And now, for family...

Obviously, I don't blog very often. I'm also 99.7% sure no one knows that I even have a blog, although even if they did, the mere fact that it has been almost two years since I updated the thing would be enough to prevent anyone from actually checking for updates. I just reviewed my other posts, and they clearly had a theme about friendship and the beauty of simple, uncomplicated friendships. And I still find all those things to be true, but even more interesting can be the people that you have no choice but to associate with during your life, and that would be family.

Family is supposed to be there for you in all times--the good, the bad, the sad, the crazy, and the calm. But, I'm quickly learning that this is all really in theory. Families are by no means perfect, and the older I get, the more blatantly apparent it becomes. Some families flat out pinpoint family members that they refuse to associate with any longer, while in other families, its a more subtle approach that may not even be noticed until years have passed and a careful eye begins to unravel what has actually happened over the years. I find these situations bizarre and terrifying. Family is supposed to be the group of people you can trust regardless of what is going on in your life, but this is becoming more and more apparent that this isn't likely the case. But then what is one to do?

I've grown up in a situation where the majority of my family lives approximately three hours away. At the age of 21, I still can't tell you where they live in relation to each other, but in my eyes, it's six episodes worth of "Rugrats" in order to drive to where they live (ok, so maybe that was my 7 year old logic, but I really can't tell you where they all live in relation to each other--somewhere on the western side of the good ol' Buckeye state). This has resulted in different levels of closeness with the different levels of family members, which has nothing to do with how close they live. It has everything to do with the events that occurred after May 29, 2002.

As I review these events, it only serves to anger me and raise unsolved questions as to how we're in the situation we find ourselves in today. It also causes me to realize just how naive I had been in the past 21 years and how little I understood what was going on around me. In a new lens, it all seems near ridiculous. I always thought family should be a guaranteed constant that will pick you up and carry you in your darkest times, not ignore you 364.5 days a year. Unfortunately, the latter seems to be true, and sadly an understatement.

As much as this discovery infuriated me when I realized it, I also realized something else. In spite of these less than stellar circumstances, there have been people that have fully supported us and helped us in every time of need, regardless of whether or not we asked for their help. Some of them can be found by looking on our family tree, but there is a large amount that aren't there, but I consider them family every bit as much. And THESE are the people that matter, when it all boils down. The people that will do anything for you without the need to ask and will bend over backwards to get these things done. This can of course be a family member, but it can also be a close family friend, or a personal friend. But I think its this commitment to one another, despite of what your family tree says, that creates a family. Its the people that will do anything for you and you'd do anything for them that makes up a family. And it's with this idea that I honestly think I have the best family ever. We may not all be biologically related, but I'm not sure my life would be the same without those people in it. THOSE are the people that matter. They are my family.

Simple As It Should Be

I have absolutely no idea when I wrote this post or what exactly prompted me to write it and then not actually post it, but I think its worth posting. Don't complicate things. Keep it simple. Easy enough!

Update: Haha, it posted it as April 7th, so I'm guessing that's when I originally wrote it. Interesting. :)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The best things in life are simple. The things in life that are supposed to seem really complicated are actually, most of the time, quite simple. Figuring out complicated travel arrangements is annoying, but the concept is simple. You need to go home to be with friends. Being home isn't complicated. Being with friends isn't complicated. We can pick up right where we left off with no problems at all. It may have only been two weeks since we last were together, but after two months it isn't going to be anymore complicated. The best and truest of friendships are in no way complicated. Complications come from excuses, lies, and deception.

Simple As It Should Be
Tristan Prettyman

Put your hands to my hands
Put your knees to my knees
Put your eyes to my eyes
Come on baby compliment me

Cause I don’t think that we
Should ever feel the need to worry
Ever get ourselves in a hurry
You know I love you
I know you love me

So time will go
And we may be
Far apart I know
But as far as I can see
This is so good
There’s no need for change
It’s alright with me
It’s as simple as it should be
Simple as it should be

And this love will build
Through flights and streets
In the end I predict
You’ll get the very best of me

So put your lips to my lips
Why not go on and take all of it
And just run as fast as you can
Just cause you can

Cause time will go
And we may be
Far apart I know
But as far as I can see
This is so good
There’s no need for change
It’s alright with me
It’s as simple as it should be
Simple as it should be

I am almost 23
Confused with all the lines in between
They are dying to be read
Softly spoken simply said

Tell me do you believe
In the girl that is me
With her feet to your feet
Well that’s all that I need

Cause time will go
And we may be
Far apart I know
But as far as I can see
This is so good
There’s no need for change
It’s alright with me
It’s as simple as it should be

Simple as it should be

Friendship

I'm old. Or at least I feel like I am. I'm to the age where I will travel 3.5 hours to see my friends for a couple of hours, see a small concert, and turn around and come home the next morning. Funny that it was automatic to refer to Rochester as home. Its just as much my home as anywhere else these days. Refer to the Garden State quote in my last post (from June...) to capture the real feeling of "home" at this stage in my life.

But seriously, to have the kind of friends where we will all travel back to our hometown to spend time together is something special. We aren't on break. We all still have papers with deadlines, midterms around the corner, stress of registration, figuring out housing, and putting the finalizing touches on our summer plans, but our friendship is important enough to take time out of our weekend and come home just to be together.

We're growing up. We may not be old yet, but we are getting older. We're traveling, we are staying at college for the summer, we are jumping out of airplanes, we have lofty goals and aspirations for the future. This isn't just us in high school talking about our dream jobs...we are almost half way through our undergraduate careers and we are working towards something. How amazing and frightening is that?? We are doing all these crazy things in our own individual cities but we are all still connected. We're all dialed in. I like it.

Garden State of Mind

Wow. Garden State. I've always liked that movie, but I can't really remember the last time I watched it. I certainly don't think I've watched it since I went to college. Brilliant, simply brilliant.

You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

You and I are gonna be okay, you know that, right? We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but for the first time let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are and that will be better. Okay? I think that will be better.

Good luck exploring the infinite abyss.

Safe... when I'm with you I feel so safe... like I'm home.

I know it hurts. But it's life, and it's real. And sometimes it fucking hurts, but it's life, and it's pretty much all we got.

Cookie Cutter

Cookie cutter perfection doesn't happen. Life isn't meant to be that way. Life is about the mistakes, the screwups, and the lessons you learn along the way. Its the people who help you through it. Its the ever changing relationship between yourself and the rest of the world. Just as you think you have everything figured out, you realize its only the beginning, and there is plenty more insanity just waiting for you. Cookie cutter simply does not happen. And wanting it to will only lead you directly to disappointment and frustration, which isnt cookie cutter anyways. Your own personal mistakes and life decisions teach you everything. Parents and friends may want to shelter you from the consequences of bad decisions, but in the end, you have to experience the consequences yourself, or you never actually understand the effects. You have to fall back down. But you also have to know who is going to pick you back up when you do. Screw ups happen, but the rewind and do-over button doesn't exist. I've looked too long and hard for it. I know it isn't out there. But to rewind and do-over without knowledge gained wouldn't change the outcome in any sort of positive direction. It's the screwups that make people unique. Things may appear majesitical in their illusion of perfection, but the perfectly designed paper angel, carefully constructed by an adult can never match the beauty of the coloring of an angel by a kid to her parents. Perfection loses the meaning. Its beautiful, sure. But its empty. Quirks of people make them who they are. The individual stories, the learning experiences, the mistakes and how you choose to handle them are what truly matters. Nothing else.